Topic
Marriage & Family
What the Church teaches about marriage, annulments, raising children and the family as a 'domestic church.'
Questions about marriage & family
All in Q&AWhat are the seven sacraments?
The seven sacraments are Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, Penance (Confession), Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders and Matrimony. Each is a visible sign instituted by Christ that truly gives the grace it signifies.
What is an annulment?
An annulment (a "declaration of nullity") is a finding by a Church tribunal that a marriage, though it appeared valid, was missing something essential from the start — so a true sacramental marriage never came into being. It is not a "Catholic divorce," and it does not mean the relationship was not real or that children are illegitimate.
What does the Catholic Church teach about marriage?
The Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, ordered to their mutual good and to the gift of children. Between baptized Christians it is a sacrament — a living sign of Christ's faithful love for his Church.
Can a practicing Catholic officiate at a civil wedding?
Yes, under certain conditions: the couple are non-Catholics not bound by Catholic marriage law, there are no obvious impediments, and the Catholic is authorized by the state to officiate. But a Catholic may not get an "ordination" from a mail-order or online mill to do so.
How is NFP different from the sin of Onan?
Onan's sin was deliberately making the marital act sterile. NFP never makes any act sterile — every act stays open to the possibility of new life. It simply regulates pregnancy by abstaining during the woman's fertile time.
Should Catholic parents force their children to be confirmed?
No. Infants can validly be confirmed, as in Eastern Catholic Churches, but someone old enough to decide should be allowed to choose. Canon law requires a person with the use of reason to be properly disposed to receive confirmation lawfully — and an unwilling child is not.
Are children of an annulled marriage considered illegitimate?
No. As canon lawyer Edward Peters explains, an annulment does nothing to affect the legitimacy of children; that status is settled before any question of annulment arises.
Are marital relations not supposed to be pleasurable, since they are for reproduction?
Husband and wife are meant to enjoy marital relations. Pleasure is not itself a purpose of sex, but it helps fulfill its purposes — procreation and spousal unity. The problem arises only when pleasure is put above or in place of those purposes.
Can a non-Catholic Christian groom receive Communion at his Catholic wedding?
No. Receiving Communion in the Catholic Church is a sign of full acceptance of Catholic teaching and of complete unity among believers — a unity Catholics and other Christians do not yet share. Even Catholics may receive only in a state of grace. For this reason, Catholics marrying non-Catholics are usually encouraged not to have a nuptial Mass.
If a person is infertile, can he marry in the Catholic Church?
Yes. Infertility — the inability to conceive children — is not an impediment to marriage. Permanent and irreversible impotence — the inability to consummate the marriage — is an impediment, because the couple must be able to consummate it.
Can I be ordained online to officiate a wedding?
No. A Catholic may not accept "ordination" in a non-Catholic church: it is invalid and makes it look as if he has joined and ministers in that church. But a lay Catholic qualified by the state in some other legitimate way, such as a judge, may officiate at civil weddings of non-Catholics not bound by Catholic marriage law.
Is the right to marry a person of the same sex a civil right?
No. Natural law — the sense of good and evil written on every heart — shows that not every kind of behavior is a right. Genital relations between two people of the same sex violate the nature of who they are to one another. Acceptance of such "marriage" has come through the volume of propaganda and the habit of putting feelings before reason, not through rational argument.
Can my friend marry civilly before her fiancé's annulment, then have the marriage blessed?
No. A Catholic cannot validly marry outside the Church without permission, so a civil wedding followed by a blessing is not a moral option. The Church presumes his first marriage valid until a tribunal finds otherwise, so she should not even be dating him; she must wait for the annulment's outcome.
If I married a non-baptized person in a civil wedding, do I need an annulment to remarry?
Yes. Since neither of you was Catholic, no special permissions were required, so the Church presumes your marriage valid. Before attempting marriage again, you would need the marriage investigated for nullity; if it is found invalid, you would be free to marry.
At what age should children start attending Mass regularly?
Young children are welcome at Mass, but the obligation to attend begins after age seven. Canon 1247 obliges the faithful to attend Sunday Mass, and canon 11 says merely ecclesiastical laws bind those who have completed seven years of age unless the law says otherwise.
Can homologous artificial insemination be permitted as a treatment for male infertility?
Generally no. Homologous insemination and fertilization, using only the spouses, are less reprehensible than donor techniques but remain morally unacceptable, because they separate the sexual act from the procreative act. The exception is a technical means that helps the marital act achieve its purpose rather than replacing it.
Why is baptism outside the Church valid, but marriage outside the Church not?
Both can be valid outside the Church. But Church law requires Catholics to marry in the Church or with permission, for pastoral and theological reasons that apply to marriage. Those reasons don't apply to baptism, which Jesus willed for everyone, so any baptism done as he instructed is valid.
Do I need to be confirmed to be married in the Church?
It isn't an absolute requirement, but the Church strongly urges it. Canon law says Catholics not yet confirmed should receive confirmation before marriage if this can be done without grave inconvenience.
Is marrying a relative allowed by the Church?
Never in the direct line, such as father and daughter or grandmother and grandson. In the collateral line, relatives as close as first cousins are impeded from marrying, but the bishop may dispense the impediment for first cousins.
Why did Henry VIII need a dispensation to marry his brother's widow?
Because of the impediment of affinity. In the 16th century, affinity arose from intercourse itself and reached beyond direct-line relatives. Since Catherine was presumed to have had relations with Henry's brother, the impediment had to be dispensed before she and Henry could validly marry.
My non-Catholic husband says the Eucharist should make me a better Christian than he is. Is that so?
Neither of you can judge the state of your soul, or know how holy you would be without the sacraments, or he with them. But no one draws near to Christ without being affected: "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life." Only Christ knows how holy you are — but you are better off receiving him than not.
Can a bishop give a nun authority to preside at a wedding?
Yes, under certain conditions. Where priests and deacons are lacking, the diocesan bishop can delegate lay persons — including nuns — to assist at marriages, after a favorable vote of the bishops' conference and with permission from the Holy See.
Is our marriage sacramental now?
Yes. A marriage is sacramental when both spouses are baptized. Before your baptism your marriage was presumably valid but not sacramental; at your baptism it automatically became a sacrament, with the grace of matrimony to perfect your love and help you grow in holiness.
Does the Church frown on interracial marriage?
No. Marriage is open to any eligible man and woman; race is no obstacle, because all races are equal before God.
If two married Lutherans divorce civilly, can either remarry in the Catholic Church?
Only if the first marriage is found not to have been valid. A valid sacramental marriage ends only with the death of a spouse, so the marriage must first be investigated. If it was valid, no new marriage can take place; if not, a declaration of nullity frees the person to marry a Catholic, who needs a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic.
Why would my parents object to a medieval-themed nuptial Mass?
They may fear the theme will undermine the sacredness of the event — a valid concern for the Mass itself, where the focus must be on the sacraments. The reception is the place for personal expression.
Did Fulton Sheen take a permissive stand on contraception?
No. There is no substantive evidence he rejected the Church's teaching; he defended it before and after Humanae Vitae. In his 1969 interview with David Frost he called it "the law," while expressing sympathy for those who struggle, and his books Three to Get Married and The World's First Love firmly oppose contraception.
In a mixed marriage, must the couple promise to raise their children Catholic?
The Catholic party must promise. Canon law makes marriage with an unbaptized person invalid and with a baptized non-Catholic prohibited, unless permitted. The bishop may permit it if the Catholic promises to do all in his or her power to have the children baptized and raised Catholic, the other party is informed of that promise, and both are instructed about marriage.
Can divorced people be godparents or confirmation sponsors?
Yes, if they are living as the Church expects of someone in their situation. But someone without an annulment who is in a romantic relationship or has attempted remarriage is not living the life of faith canon law requires, so another sponsor should be chosen.
Why is living together wrong if we're committed to chastity?
Even if you remain chaste, living together gives scandal — leading others toward sin. Saving money is good, but there are other ways: a same-sex roommate, or living with your parents until the wedding. It isn't worth the dishonor to your parents or compromising your commitment to Christ.
How are Catholics to view Protestant marriages?
Protestants generally have two valid sacraments, baptism and marriage, though they usually don't call marriage a sacrament. If both spouses are validly baptized and there is no impediment, the Church presumes their marriage valid and sacramental.
Can a woman whose husband divorced her receive Communion?
Yes, if she is otherwise in a state of grace. Only those who willfully destroyed a valid marriage, or who have entered another romantic relationship, are barred until they regularize their status. The Catechism distinguishes the innocent spouse unjustly abandoned from the one at fault.
What is required for a valid marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic?
A Catholic marrying a baptized non-Catholic needs express permission for the marriage to be licit. Marrying an unbaptized person is invalid without a dispensation. Either presupposes that both know and do not exclude marriage's essential ends and properties, and that the Catholic will do what he can to have the children baptized and raised Catholic.
Is divorce a sin when one's spouse is abusive?
No. Canon law allows a spouse endangered in body or soul to leave. The Church tolerates civil divorce for just cause, such as safety and settling custody and property, treating it as legal separation. But the person remains married and may not remarry in the Church without an annulment.
Why is a fee required for an annulment?
The fee helps cover the cost of processing the case, including salaries of the experts who examine it. Fees can usually be paid over time and reduced or waived for financial hardship.
Does the Church allow birth control in certain circumstances?
Contraception, never: any act intended to render procreation impossible is intrinsically evil. But spouses may, for just reasons and without selfishness, space births by moral means, following objective criteria and practicing married chastity.
Should I light the unity candle at my daughter's non-denominational wedding?
Decline. As former Catholics, your daughter and her fiancé are almost certainly still bound to Catholic form, so their marriage will be invalid. There is no official teaching on unity candles, but lighting it would signal approval and risk scandal.
Should Catholics do a reading at a non-Catholic wedding?
Yes, if invited. The Ecumenical Directory encourages Catholics at other churches' services to join in the psalms, responses, hymns and common actions, and says they may read a lesson or preach if their hosts invite them.
Can I be confirmed without an annulment?
Yes. Divorce in itself is no obstacle. If a divorce involved unforgiven grave sin, confess first. An annulment is generally needed only to marry again — or if you have attempted marriage after divorce and wish to continue that married life.
Am I wrong to make the sign of the cross over my children's homes?
No — privately, it is appropriate to bless your family. In church, lay people should refrain, since it could be confused with a priest's blessing. Tracing a cross on the forehead is a good way to bless. The cross is the sign of our salvation and fitting in daily life.
May we use birth control to avoid a difficult pregnancy?
No. However hard a pregnancy may be, deliberately interrupting the conjugal act by contraception is never justified; Humanae Vitae teaches it is never lawful to do evil that good may come. If you need to avoid pregnancy, look into Natural Family Planning.
Since my wife has been baptized, is our marriage now sacramental?
Yes. A marriage is sacramental when it is valid and both spouses are baptized. Your marriage was presumably valid but not sacramental before her baptism; her baptism did not invalidate it, so at that moment it became a sacrament.
Can we baptize our baby in the Catholic Church even though we aren't married?
Yes — in fact Catholic parents are obliged to have their child baptized within the first few weeks. For lawful baptism there must be a founded hope that the child will be raised Catholic; if that hope is entirely lacking, baptism is delayed.
What are the implications of divorce for my family?
Your son would lose most, so think long and hard. If staying together is truly impossible, the Church allows civil divorce to divide shared goods. Separated, you may both receive the sacraments in a state of grace — but you are still married, so dating others is out unless the marriage is annulled.
Isn't the Church's teaching on IVF unfair to couples who can't conceive?
It may seem cruel, but it is not unfair: a child is a gift, not an entitlement. Marriage gives the right to the natural acts ordered to procreation, not a right to a child. A child has the right to be the fruit of his parents' conjugal love, and IVF separates the procreative act from the sexual act.
My annulment was denied — may I receive the Eucharist if my conscience says the marriage was invalid?
No. Conscience (the internal forum) cannot overturn a tribunal's ruling (the external forum). Marriage cases of the baptized belong to the Church's judges, because marriage is public, not merely private. The Holy See calls the contrary position inadmissible.
If my friend's ex-husband refuses to take part, can she still get an annulment?
Yes. Either spouse may petition for an annulment, and canon law provides for a respondent who refuses to cooperate: the case can proceed to a definitive sentence without him.
May Catholics ever marry non-Christians?
In some circumstances, yes. The Church calls this "disparity of cult." Such a marriage requires an express dispensation for validity, given on condition that both parties accept the essential ends and properties of marriage and that the Catholic keeps the faith and ensures the children's baptism and Catholic upbringing.
May a couple married in the Church, then divorced, resume marital relations if they reconcile?
Yes. For a Catholic, civil divorce has no effect on a sacramental marriage. The spouses always keep the right to express their vows sexually, and if they reconcile they are free to live as husband and wife.
What does "Honor your father and your mother" mean if parents are abusive?
Children owe obedience to parents "in the Lord," in what is for their good or the family's, but must never obey an order their conscience judges morally wrong. Obedience ends when children become independent; respect is always owed.
Can a divorced person without an annulment receive the sacraments?
Yes. A divorced person generally needs an annulment only if he plans to attempt another marriage. Divorce is not grounds for excommunication, so he always has access to confession and can lead a normal sacramental life.
Why does the Church keep the worst sinners at a distance by denying them Communion?
It doesn't; sinners keep themselves at a distance by choosing to sin. Christ's compassion was for the repentant, whom he warned not to sin again. Someone in an invalid union can go to confession, resolve to live as brother and sister, and then receive Communion.
I'm thinking about divorce. What does the Church say about it?
Civil divorce is sometimes necessary and may be permissible for sufficient reasons, but it does not dissolve a valid marriage before God and does not free you to remarry, unless, for example, an annulment shows the first marriage was invalid.
Is marital intercourse sinful if the spouses do it with lust for each other?
Sexual desire for and enjoyment of one's spouse is good and part of God's design. "Lust" in the Church's sense means seeking sexual pleasure in another solely for oneself, without regard for the other. Using one's spouse as an object of pleasure is gravely sinful.
Am I required to have a large family?
No. Family size itself is not a moral issue; openness to children and responsible family planning are. Large families are a sign of blessing and generosity, but couples may space births for just reasons, provided their motive is not selfish.
If sex is good for us, why is the Church so hostile to it?
The Church is not hostile to sex; it has the highest understanding of it. Intercourse expresses the total, lifelong self-giving of the marriage vows. Masturbation contradicts that purpose: it gives nothing to anyone and takes pleasure for oneself alone.
Are distinctions like these just legalism?
No. Treating an ectopic pregnancy, where the fetus cannot survive, differs from removing a viable fetus, which deliberately kills an innocent human; the end never justifies the means. An annulment finds no valid marriage existed. Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet does not oppose seeking mercy in other ways. Understood, these are reasonable.
Can we have our marriage convalidated immediately?
From what you describe, no convalidation is needed. Marriages between non-Catholics are presumed valid unless proven otherwise, and since you were both validly baptized, though outside the Catholic Church, your marriage is also sacramental.
When is marriage a sacrament?
A marriage is sacramental when it is valid and both spouses are baptized (canon 1055 §2). So valid marriages between Catholics, or between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, are sacramental; a valid marriage with a non-baptized person is not.
My cousin lives with her lesbian partner. Am I a bigot for feeling uncomfortable around them?
No. They are acting in a way you know offends God, so discomfort is natural, and it is right to judge behavior. The Church calls us to accept such persons with respect, compassion and sensitivity, but teaches that homosexual acts can never be approved.
How many children did Adam and Eve have, and whom did their children marry?
Adam and Eve had sons and daughters (Genesis 5:4). Since there were no other human beings, brothers and sisters had to marry. St. Augustine explains this was allowed by necessity then, though later forbidden and now abhorred.
Is coercion grounds for an annulment?
Yes. From what you describe, the marriage sounds invalid. Canon law says a marriage entered because of force or grave fear from outside, compelling a person to marry in order to escape it, is invalid.
Is it a sin for a married woman to flirt?
Flirting between unmarried people, or between spouses, is not a sin. Between a married person and someone other than the spouse, it is. Such attention belongs to one's husband alone.
Can people of the same sex marry each other?
No. God instituted marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman, and neither the Church nor society can change that. Even if the legal definition changed, same-sex couples would never truly be married.
Should I avoid having children if my husband refuses to raise them Catholic?
No; you were misinformed. The Church does not expect you to close yourself to children because your husband is not Christian. It expects you to do your best to raise them Catholic and to work out an agreement with your husband now.
Are prenuptial agreements forbidden?
A prenuptial agreement that anticipates divorce and dividing property invalidates the marriage commitment, because it shows deficient consent that excludes indissolubility. A legitimate exception is an agreement to protect the inheritance of children from a previous marriage.
If a valid marriage never existed, what exactly does an annulment nullify?
Nothing, strictly. An annulment is a "declaration of matrimonial nullity": it determines whether what appeared to be a valid marriage actually was one, and if not, declares that a valid marriage never existed.
My brother wants to "marry" another man and adopt children. What do I do?
It comes down to how much we love the Lord. If you loved a married woman, would you choose her over obeying God, or God over her? He chose nothing over us and gave himself to the point of dying. That is the conversation to have with your brother.
Is my cousin's marriage in an "independent Catholic church" valid if both are baptized Catholics?
No. As Catholics they are bound to marry in the Church's form, and marrying in an "independent catholic church" does not satisfy it, so the marriage would be invalid. They would not be excommunicated, but should not receive Communion until the matter is rectified and they have confessed.